Connecting

I had a very special lover who had a beautiful way of connecting with me. We would communicate every day, though he was far away. He would always begin with a moment to feel into me from a distance. To feel my energy and connect. And then he would ask, “what is there for you today?”

This feels like a beautiful way to connect with each other. I feel very blessed to have had this experience for over a year. 

This Wound

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This wound…
This wound has hurt.
I guess it needs
more love.

This wound
has stayed with me
for months
whispering my inadequacies
like bombs.

This wound
lies to me,
making me believe
I am unlovable.

Your words,
like cowardly venom,
have poisoned
my mind,
my heart,
my body.

Your actions,
your inaction
has shown me
Truth.

This wound
was here
before you.

You just helped it
gape more.

There are those
who have lovingly
sucked the venom out
time after time.

Will it ever be
completely gone?

Perhaps.

I won’t force.
What it needs here
is
more love
more love
more love.

And I’m not waiting
for anyone else
to bring it.

It’s right here,
right now,
from my broken open heart,
loving me.

Fall In

Maybe one day
you will realize
it’s not the end of the world
to fall in with me.

Or maybe it is.

And you will realize
Thank GOD, that world is ended.

Now the more beautiful world
can begin.

A Short Story of an Ordinary Miracle

The walls in my bedroom are blue to simulate this environment.
The walls in my bedroom are blue to simulate this environment.

Yesterday, I suddenly needed a new sheet for my bed. I just wanted to replace the sheet with the same thing because mine got a hole in it. So we went to the store, and those sheets were on sale! YAY!

They had every single sheet but the one I needed. The color that matched in my size of bed. Boooooo.

I was having that kind of day. (If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Mercury was retrograde.) All sorts of shit was blowing up and acting weird. I was pretty disappointed. There were 2 alternate colors I could get that would kind of coordinate, but not MATCH. I vacillated. I couldn’t decide. My son helped me decide to get the robin’s egg blue, which actually matches my walls. Ok, bummer. No matching sheets. Somehow, I was still disappointed. I can get just a touch OCD sometimes. I even had them check in the back to see if they had any more. Nope. Ok, whatever.

I came home and did all sorts of house and mom stuff. I’d had a long day and didn’t actually get the sheet on the bed until around 9:00pm. It ended up being a pretty perfect match to my wall.  After making the bed and getting ready for sleep, I pulled back the covers to get in. The semi-surprise and beauty of the blue color simply delighted me. It really is one of my favorite colors.

I was really sure in the store that I was disappointed. I was sure for hours that I was disappointed. Turns out, what the universe delivered actually delighted me. I felt that way all last night and all day today whenever I have seen it: delighted.

Sometimes we end up loving that thing we think we didn’t want.