How to Deal with Things You Don’t Want To Do


I recently wrote the following Facebook status: “I love the freedom of just letting go of anything that doesn’t feel good to me.”

Quite rightly, I got a comment on that status that said, “That’s not a bad plan, but what about the shitty things we have to do that are never enjoyable?”

This is something many people face on a daily basis, especially when confronted with the spiritual wisdom that says “only do what you want to do.” As I responded to this friend, I noticed I seem to have a lot of experience dealing with this topic, so it feels good to share these tips with a wider audience.

First of all, it’s important to be REAL honest about what you REALLY have to do and what you don’t. I find that many things are actually choices. Especially when it comes to attending certain events or listening to people you really don’t want to listen to. Consider carefully if this is something you really can just release from your life.

I had a high school English teacher who even would answer the question “Do we HAVE TO?” by saying “All you have to do is occupy space and die.” Now, there is some truth to that. But I like my spirituality to be more practical than that.

So, if after careful consideration, you find that if you DON’T do this thing, your life will be less beneficial than if you DO, here is some guidance.

I make the task as enjoyable as possible. I simplify. There are many ways to do this.

A recent example: Taxes. Now, honestly. I might be able to just not do my taxes. A lot of people make that choice. And I assume many of them “get away with it” in one way or another. I’m not currently at a place where I feel comfortable just not doing them. So, I did my best to make it as enjoyable as possible.

I had to get all my stuff together myself, of course. That wasn’t so hard. Then I chose to get help to get them actually done. I could have struggled through some online program, but instead I chose to invest and hire someone recommended by a friend. She ended up not being very expensive, and it was actually fun doing my taxes with her. I learned some really helpful information for my future financial choices as well. It only took about an hour. It was fun to see her place. She had a sweet cat. My son was with me. We ended up getting a much bigger refund than I thought, which more than covered the extra expense. And we stopped for tacos on the way home.

Maybe I should call my method The Taco Principle: How to Make Anything Enjoyable. Ha. I digress.

That’s just one example. There are ways to make almost anything nicer. And focusing on the feeling of ease and accomplishment when things are done always helps.

I find a certain flow happens for me if it’s something big. (Like doing my divorce myself or figuring out my mom’s estate after she died.)

  1. I resist.
  2. I wait.
  3. I’m overwhelmed.
  4. I start to take initial small steps.
  5. I start to understand “This is big, but I can see the next steps and where to get support.”
  6. Then I get into the momentum, and I’m excited to get it done.
  7. Then I can’t stop myself from doing that thing I didn’t want to do.
  8. Then it’s done and I feel so good!

I have done many massive things I have NOT really wanted to do in the past 5 years or so. The steps above seem to really work for me. I even am ok with the waiting and resisting. Because at some point, something that needs to be done will become big enough that you can “feel that it’s time.” I feel there is some value in waiting for that time. First of all, sometimes you find out you actually didn’t need to that thing in the waiting period! But, when it’s time and you are ready to begin, things just flow better.

And music. Music generally helps. And being really kind. Because then kind support will show up for you. I always do my best to be really patient and sweet to the helpers I find along the way. I tend to attract good support.

What about everyday things like cleaning and cooking and laundry? I recommend simplification, music, and focusing on love of service to your self, your home, your family.

Cleaning and laundry became much more enjoyable once I cleared my clutter. (That WAS another massive project.) But it really gave more meaning to those activities. I highly recommend Marie Kondo’s book, The Unchanging Magic of Tidying Up. (It really did change my life and brought a lot of Having a good relationship with the stuff in your life makes a HUGE difference in time and willingness to care for that stuff. It’s all energy. When you clear energy by clearing clutter and only have what you love and need, you gain a greater appreciation of what you have. When you understand that keeping your space clean and clear has very real positive effects in your life, it becomes much easier. You naturally become more grateful and willing to keep things in order.

In all situations, I really try to not force myself. I let myself wait until I feel really ready to take on whatever challenge it is. Often, there is some time leeway with anything. When there’s not, do your best to dig in with the first step. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

If you would like support with positive transformation in your life, I am available for Energy Alchemy Sessions.



I had a very special lover who had a beautiful way of connecting with me. We would communicate every day, though he was far away. He would always begin with a moment to feel into me from a distance. To feel my energy and connect. And then he would ask, “what is there for you today?”

This feels like a beautiful way to connect with each other. I feel very blessed to have had this experience for over a year. 

Have you been told you’re “too much”?


Many of us have been told we are “too much” or “too intense”. We talk too much, love too hard, speak too loudly, cry too much, and on and on.

I’m here to tell ya that’s simply not true.

The result of being told this from the time we are little (or anytime), is that we tend to shut down. We tend to not express. We tend to let it stay inside.

What do you think happens then?

You guessed it! We end up being MORE TOO MUCH. Because it’s all bottled up.

As this message has been floating back to me from one client and friend after another recently, it’s been really sticking in my mind. I am also one of those people who is sometimes TOO MUCH, especially when it comes to romantic love. (My current favorite wisdom on on being too much in romantic love is expressed in this video from Bentinho Massaro: Directional Love vs. Radial Love.) But this concept can apply to just about any area of our lives we feel too big, too loud, too intense, too too anything.

My dear friend, Hand Analyst Chrisstine Gulrajani, has told me I have what is called a big heart line. One of the things she recommended was that I continue to grow my audience… because I have SO MUCH TO GIVE!

Isn’t this a lovely way to look at it? If you have been considered “too much” in any area… you have a lot to give! What’s the solution? There are infinite solutions of course, but what has been coming to me strongly this week is just what Chrisstine suggested to me:

Increase your audience.

That doesn’t mean you need to start writing or doing videos or even have a blog. But maybe you do. Maybe one or all of those things are a perfect outlet for all you have to give.

What it does mean is that those of us with this issue might need a larger support network. And, in fact, this is true of most people. We need a basket of support. We might need to have a partner or a lover, a best friend, and a number of other friends that we go to when we need to express. And we might need to express things to an audience through any of the above methods or another of your choosing.

The point is, the way you were created is not a flaw.

The point is, you were created just perfectly. If there is more than someone wants, spread it around!

We are social creatures. In our current society, it’s not uncommon for us to become more or less dependent on our partner for most of our social needs. This is not romantic and generally not healthy. We need friends. We need community.

If you’re having a hard time finding the right people for you, stop, take a breath, and ask your angels to bring them to you. Honestly. It can be that simple. Just ask. Open a window of possibility for grace to enter. I bet the right people begin to come your way. And in expressing to more people, your expression becomes more balanced.

Tell us how you feel about this in the comments. If you’d like more support, an energy session may be for you.



If you look into anyone’s eyes long enough, you will fall in love with them.


I was glancing at someone’s facebook feed with a friend yesterday and saw a familiar face.

“There’s that woman I’m in love with!”

My friend was like, “What?”

(We both know I fall pretty far on the hetero side of the sexuality spectrum.)

So, let me back up and tell the story. The Universe brought together some circumstances that put me in a relationship class a few years back. I say it that way because I did not think I wanted or needed a relationship class. I was at the end of my marriage and exploring some new relationships, but not really serious about anything. I was serious about getting out into my local community and, somehow, this is what presented itself.

The final day of the class just happened to land on my wedding anniversary. I was happy to be out of my marriage, but it was still a bit of a wistful day for me. I decided to go to the class and make the best of it.

One of the final practices was to stare into the eyes of a partner for a long time. I believe it was at least 30 minutes. Some people were in the class with their partners. Some weren’t. I got paired up with another single lady for the exercise.

I don’t remember the details of the time we eye gazed. But I remember feeling totally in love with her at the end of it. Not like, I-want-to-make-out-with-you in love. But just LOVE. I didn’t really know her. But I was feeling like… We should hang out! We should be friends! We might have even said we would. This was back in 2011. Five years ago. I don’t think I’ve seen her again. Maybe once in passing. (Small town.) But the feeling of just LOVING her was SO STRONG. Neither one of us followed up on being real in-person friends. I never felt bad about it. I never “missed” her. But if I ever think of her or see her picture on Facebook, I’m just like, “OH! I LOVE her!” and I’m flooded with such good feelings. Even just remembering it now, I feel those good feelings.

Now, we might think… Ok, that’s interesting. That happened. What a fluke. Well. Here’s the funny thing. Through more Universal machinations, I ended up REPEATING the SAME class! I still had no partner, and at the final class, I was paired up with a man whose partner didn’t make it that night. Now, I knew I was about to fall in love and felt a bit awkward about it this time. I knew his partner and liked her. I had no attraction to him. What was gonna happen? Eek! Well, here goes nothing.

Same thing happened.

It didn’t make me want to be with him. It didn’t make me think we should be together. I didn’t see him as a potential partner. It didn’t make me even care if I talked to him ever again. But, I still just felt so much love when I thought of him or saw him. And this one is funny in a different way, because I DO tend to see him around town. In fact, we ended up getting divorced on the SAME day at the same time. So funny. Total rebonding of our “love”.  I never hang out with this guy. But I do have really good feelings about him and wish him the best.

I’m sure there are lots of studies that have been done on eyegazing. I’m guessing this is not new information to a lot of people. But maybe to some it is. I’m not researching it intellectually at the moment. Just sharing what happened to me experientially. And it’s POWERFUL. It really makes me feel we need MORE of this in our lives and culture and leadership.

What do I feel about it? I feel like we see the essence of a person when we bring our presence to each other through the eye gaze. I feel we see that we are one. We bond. We see the Utter Innocence of the Being in front of us. The Truth of our Utter Connection becomes manifest in those moments. It’s an agape love. Universal, spiritual love. It doesn’t need to manifest romantically, although I imagine practicing it in romantic relationship is a brilliant idea. (Why haven’t I tried this yet? Hmmmm. Good question.)

Actually, that’s a good point. Because I had this idea and so did another woman on my facebook feed. Let’s “use” this to get people to fall in love with us! I don’t believe it “works” to get someone to fall in love with you in that way. It’s a deeper human and spiritual connection, which is always brilliant. But if you already do have that romantic love, I believe it can strengthen your ability to relate from a place of Divine Love and Wisdom. Romantic relationships tend to be the place where most of us get triggered and tripped up the most. So bringing in more compassion, empathy, and divinity is definitely a good idea.

In general, this practice is a little bit taboo in our culture. We don’t just stare into peoples’ eyes for a long time. It makes us uncomfortable. We are not used to that much or that kind of connection. Why do we think that is?  Almost anything that is taboo is likely to bring us deeply into our power as divine beings having a spiritual experience. These taboos exist because our current culture is one that is set up to enslave the many and empower the very few. But that is changing. This is a simple but extremely powerful way we can cooperate with that change. Let’s break these taboos and look at each other more. Let’s take the power of connection back. It is so needed.

What if we started all meetings with some eye gazing? What if, in really tense times, we took 15-30 minutes to just stare silently into each others’ eyes before even trying to talk? Imagine how the presidential debates might have been different with this practice. Business meetings. Political discussions. Romantic talks. I predict that resolution would come so much easier. Maybe instantly. There is just a feeling of wanting to be of service to that other person because we see there is no other person.

Please share your experience of eye gazing in the comments. I’d love to hear more. And if you haven’t tried it, try it and report back! Bless.

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Letting Ourselves Off the Hook

I have an event this weekend. I have a to do list in my head for what I THINK I need to do to be successful at this event.

I haven’t done any of the things on my mental to do list. I just don’t feel like it.

I’m playing with the discomfort I feel with not having done these things. I’m playing with the idea of instead, continuing to just do what is making me happy (currently, watching an inspirational YouTube video).

It’s so wild how conditioned we are to follow the shoulds instead of the bliss. My process of getting ready under the shoulds feels heavy and unenjoyable. What kind of result will that bring energetically? Fairly obvious.

I deeply know these things, and yet my conditioning (after years of unraveling it) STILL makes me think I need to follow these thoughts and shoulds.

What if, instead, watching these videos gives me some amazing insight. And also, doing what makes me happy and peaceful just creates a better vibe in me. I will serve so much better from a better vibe. It’s what we all want. It’s what I want. It’s what I am here to activate in other people.

I’m going to let go of the shoulds for the millionth time and do what pleases me. In the end, I may come back around to that list. It may look the same; it may look different. But I will be better. And that will make all the difference.

I invite you to take the time to care about making yourself happy. Take action from that place. What if we all did? Bless.