Nothing is Happening

Nothing

We all go through times when it feels like nothing is happening. Nothing is moving forward. Nothing is resolving. The ego part of us can feel very, very uncomfortable at these times. “But I’m not DOING anything. I’m not making PROGRESS.”

There is an inky darkness. We can’t see two feet in front of us. We might know who is right next to us, but we might now. And we’re not sure if they’re staying.

On some level, we all know this time is pregnant with possibilities. Nothing is decided. ANYTHING can happen. It’s a grand adventure. It’s the stuff REAL LIFE is made of. But that small part of us says, “Nothing is decided! ANYTHING can happen!” It can be exhilarating or terrifying, and often is just that… both.

The question is, what do you do with the both? What do you do with the darkness? The “stuckness” (We’re never really stuck.) It IS pregnant with possibilities, but not just for “when things move forward”.

Right NOW is the possibility if we can see it. Can we, right now, say, “Wow… this is inky darkness. It’s kinda cool.” Or “I freakin’ hate this, but I’m not going to run from it.”

Or simply just stop.

And allow it all to be ok, because it really is. We are always sitting in the lap of God. There is a richness to meeting ourselves in the void if we can take it. It might be the only place we truly meet ourselves.

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Divine Mother (Poem)

Anandamayi Ma Crop
Anandaymayi Ma

Divine Mother
Mother
So much there
Doesn’t feel divine
I need to find the real Mother
The real source
Let go
Let go
Let go
Move deep into the Heart of Love
This is truth.

Not the façade we have felt
Not the burning wanting
The Heart of Love
The Heart of Love
The Heart of Love
It’s all there for us
Why do we get stuck
on concepts?

Why do we place so much need
on little humans?
Be this
Do this
Fulfill me

Take me into your heart, Divine Mother
I know I am there
Why do I not notice?
Help me notice.
Clear my blocks
Love me

I open to your love, Divine Mother.
Even though it’s hard
with that M word there
It still doesn’t feel Divine.
Take it.

Opening
Opening
Opening
Stillness
Allowing
Embracing

Let me lie in your arms
and believe in love.
I don’t know what stops me.
Take it.

Let me lie in your arms
and tell me I’ve done enough.
Tell me I can rest
You’ve got this one
Tell me I can rest
Tell me I am enough
Tell me I am all
I want to believe you

Opening
Opening
Opening
Pierce through my resistance
with your gentleness.
Stroke my brow
Touch my hair
Love me

 

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Morning Demons

I awaken

I awaken.

Sometimes before I even open my eyes,
they are here.

The morning demons.

I don’t understand why they come.
Didn’t I just come out of pure isness?
Why would demons greet me
on the other side?
Shouldn’t I be refreshed? I am not.

Well, let’s get down to it.
Who is here?
Pure existential panic?
Well, hello.

Who else?
Not enoughness?
A wink and a punch to you.

Who else?
Guilt?
Oh guilt… where are you?
Are you hiding again? C’mon… guilt…
I know you’re there.
My mother kindly told me
ALL about you.
Oh, there you are.
Hello, Guilt.
What? I haven’t done enough?
Ok. Thank you, Beloved.
I see.

Thank you.
I know you are going.
I think I might miss you most of all.

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I Am Innocent

I AM Innocent

Try this
(if you feel it)…

“I am innocent.”

Now REALLY feel it.
“I am innocent.”

Any time any outer reflection
of the world
seems to want to make you “wrong”.

Any time you feel
there are conditions placed upon you
by any one or any thing
if you do or don’t behave
in certain ways…

“I am innocent.”

It is all just an outer reflection
of something we have internalized,
often likely from long ago.

The truth is…

I am innocent
I am innocent
I am innocent

Now, live from this place
and see what happens!

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There are not enough ways

This Love

There are not enough ways
To express this love
It’s too boundless
Too much
Too oceanic
Too large

It comes like an old metaphor
The sea
Or a tidal wave
Too much
Too much
Can there be too much?
Maybe it’s just me

Where do I put it?
Where can I put the ocean?
And how does an ocean spring from my heart?

How can my heart be infinite?
Like the tears I cried when my first lover betrayed
Oh sweet “betrayal”
I thank him
For he was the first crack to infinity
The infinity is exquisite
And frightening
And exhilarating

Can anyone truly accompany me?
I don’t know
I don’t know if I can even accompany myself
Sometimes being a seer
Being a feeler
Is an ache

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