We all go through times when it feels like nothing is happening. Nothing is moving forward. Nothing is resolving. The ego part of us can feel very, very uncomfortable at these times. “But I’m not DOING anything. I’m not making PROGRESS.”
There is an inky darkness. We can’t see two feet in front of us. We might know who is right next to us, but we might now. And we’re not sure if they’re staying.
On some level, we all know this time is pregnant with possibilities. Nothing is decided. ANYTHING can happen. It’s a grand adventure. It’s the stuff REAL LIFE is made of. But that small part of us says, “Nothing is decided! ANYTHING can happen!” It can be exhilarating or terrifying, and often is just that… both.
The question is, what do you do with the both? What do you do with the darkness? The “stuckness” (We’re never really stuck.) It IS pregnant with possibilities, but not just for “when things move forward”.
Right NOW is the possibility if we can see it. Can we, right now, say, “Wow… this is inky darkness. It’s kinda cool.” Or “I freakin’ hate this, but I’m not going to run from it.”
Or simply just stop.
And allow it all to be ok, because it really is. We are always sitting in the lap of God. There is a richness to meeting ourselves in the void if we can take it. It might be the only place we truly meet ourselves.
Sometimes before I even open my eyes,
they are here.
The morning demons.
I don’t understand why they come.
Didn’t I just come out of pure isness?
Why would demons greet me
on the other side?
Shouldn’t I be refreshed? I am not.
Well, let’s get down to it.
Who is here?
Pure existential panic?
A wink and a punch to you.
Guilt? Oh guilt… where are you?
Are you hiding again? C’mon… guilt…
I know you’re there.
My mother kindly told me
ALL about you.
Oh, there you are.
What? I haven’t done enough?
Ok. Thank you, Beloved.
I know you are going.
I think I might miss you most of all.
There are not enough ways
To express this love
It’s too boundless
It comes like an old metaphor
Or a tidal wave
Can there be too much?
Maybe it’s just me
Where do I put it?
Where can I put the ocean?
And how does an ocean spring from my heart?
How can my heart be infinite?
Like the tears I cried when my first lover betrayed
Oh sweet “betrayal”
I thank him
For he was the first crack to infinity
The infinity is exquisite
Can anyone truly accompany me?
I don’t know
I don’t know if I can even accompany myself
Sometimes being a seer
Being a feeler
Is an ache