I recently saw a post from a Facebook friend that asked this question (paraphrased): Is it better to put your spouse first or your kids first?
To my near utter shock, people dutifully weighed in on which should be prioritized, spouse or kids. They all had what they considered very logical arguments and were quite passionate about their choice.
It made my heart sink.
People truly believe, in so many cases, that we must make choices like that. For one to win, others must lose. This is ground into us.
The new paradigm belief, however, is this:
We can all get our needs met.
Feel into that.
We can all get our needs met.
I replied that it depended on the situation and that we like to use needs-based negotiation in my family. Sometimes it is obvious whose needs come first… someone is bleeding, someone is crying. If your kid is sick, they are likely to be prioritized over that date with your spouse. If everyone is fine, but your spouse feels neglected, then that takes precedence.
Sometimes it is less obvious. Then you simply ask each person what they want or need. It does take some time and care, but it is so worth it to live from the idea that we can all be happy. Often you will find ingenious solutions that allow everyone to get what they want or need once it is all out on the table. But you have to start from the belief that it is possible, or you can’t get there!
Other times, one person will see quite clearly that their need is just not that strong and will gladly concede to someone else’s need. Because, really, we all want all of us to be happy. And the strongest need can be felt energetically when we pay attention and allow.
Let’s try starting from here, however, and see what develops…
We can all get our needs met.
It’s a freakin’ abundant universe. Believe.
Bless
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