Serena Portal
This world
has a way
of making women hard.
Heartbreak
has a way
of making women hard.
I’d rather be soft
supple
vulnerable
pliable
warm
I’m a mother.
It’s the most important thing
to me.
It’s a sacred calling
which this world
does not much support.
We must compete
bite
scratch
claw
to eek out our existence
So they say
I’m weary of
this lack mentality.
I’d rather fly
with the birds
over the ocean
into the sun.
Anchor into
the vibration of your choosing,
regardless of what anyone else
says and does.
Tune yourself there,
let your roots ground in,
nurture this connection,
allow it to strengthen.
It is golden.
There are infinite possible vibrations.
How to choose?
Whatever pleases you.
Whatever excites you,
thrills you,
blisses you.
Whatever feels important.
These are the choices of the soul.
These are the choices of the divine within.
There is no why.
Throw away the whys.
That’s a mind game.
And if you are here
with me
we are in my heart.
What is
Is.
I feel this need to stretch.
The Beloved wants me to be
More.
Accept more love.
I empty myself out
Empty
Empty
Empty
Why empty if not to receive?
Make me an empty vessel, Beloved.
Then fill me with your love
overflowing.
Beloved!
Show me.
Guide me.
Trick me if you must.
Help me to not be a knucklehead
when your love comes to me
in any form.
I put a sign on my heart…
Open.
What do you most deeply long for?
I long to be true
to the longing of The One
within my own heart
in each now moment.
I long to be so porous
that the Divine Lover in All
shoots through me
in a brilliant ecstasy
or a quiet softness
or a delicious rage
or the happiness
of a bubbling brook.
I long to be free
in each moment
or perhaps… to realize it.
Because I AM.
I long to see more clearly
how the Beloved dotes on me
in every moment.
Not through one intimacy,
but through intimacy with the One
which can also come
through intimacy with one.
I long for Union.
Sweet delicious Union
that takes whatever form
the Divine chooses
in each moment.
A warm shower.
A nap.
A juicy watermelon.
A sweet, delicious caress.
A kiss.
A forest full of sun shining through trees
just for me.
Whatever is chosen for me
because it’s always so much grander
than what my mind would conceive.
I long to trust this Union,
to rest in it,
to allow
the beautiful spontaneity present
in the Heart of All
to use me
and use me
and use me.
I long to deepen deepen always all ways
my intimacy with This.
And laugh and sigh
while I experience the surprising
wonder of the world
unfold around and through me.
I am already This.
I am already what I most deeply long for.
Jealousy has arrived.
It’s very primal.
It’s from the recesses of
the animal still inside of me.
I am threatened.
It’s very human.
I am threatened.
Someone is taking
what is MINE.
And what IS mine?
Babies almost always say “Da da”
before they say “Ma ma.”
They cannot give Mama a name
because they do not recognize her
as separate.
Babies know something.
Oneness.
Without a name,
there can be no mine
because all is me.
Lover,
I will endeavor
to keep a name from you
or perhaps give ALL names to you.
To free you
and me.
Donate.
The feelings come.
They come
and they come
and they come.
How can so much come out of me?
Or maybe pass through me?
No one can possibly be
This Deep.
No one else can be as deep as I am.
No one else has ever had this experience.
And then I laugh.
I laugh heartily at myself through my tears
as I continue to release
what appears to be infinite.
It can’t be… Can it?
What if this never ends?
I’ve tried that game.
It’s a good one.
It showed me that everything unreal ends,
even if it appears it won’t.
And it might end sooner
if I don’t fight it.
Or happier. Or more peaceful.
Might.
Haven’t I been doing this for months?
How long do I have to do this, Beloved?
As long as it is here.
HOW long?
As long as it is here.
The Beloved tells me…
It is a great gift to let the Infinite
pass through.
Thank you.
It is a gift of
infinite flowerings.