It’s hard to believe

It’s hard to believe
how many Saturday nights
I’ve had without you.
Sundays and Mondays
and all the other days, too.

Sometimes I wonder
if I should have made
different choices.
Usually, I don’t.
Usually, I realize
I couldn’t have.

I did the best
with what I knew.

I trust
I know better now.

Self Love Story #248

It’s amazing when I pay attention to my thoughts how often I am still berating myself and witholding my own love and approval from myself. Witholding things I want or need from myself.

And I have been practicing self love and sacred selfishness for years! Undoing decades of conditioning. It doesn’t usually happen overnight. It’s a practice.

Whenever I catch it, I make it a point to soften and become gentle with myself. Release. Let go. Treat myself like a beloved child. Realize everything is ok. I’m doing fine. I can be kind to myself.

I invite you to pay attention with the intention to soften towards yourself as much as possible. Tell us what you find.

#selflove #Lovemyselfsomuch #248is random #notentirelyrandom

Safe Enough

All the pain of not feeling loved.
All the pain of not feeling seen.

It’s visiting now
Because it can.
Because it’s finally safe enough.

Before it’s been pushed aside,
Covered with food and wine,
Drowned in distractions.

It was too much.
I couldn’t know that
From there.

But now

It’s clearer.
It’s ok.
There is time.
There is space.
There is kindness in my own heart
For my own heart.

And so this pain visits.
It doesn’t have to stay.

How to Deal with Things You Don’t Want To Do


I recently wrote the following Facebook status: “I love the freedom of just letting go of anything that doesn’t feel good to me.”

Quite rightly, I got a comment on that status that said, “That’s not a bad plan, but what about the shitty things we have to do that are never enjoyable?”

This is something many people face on a daily basis, especially when confronted with the spiritual wisdom that says “only do what you want to do.” As I responded to this friend, I noticed I seem to have a lot of experience dealing with this topic, so it feels good to share these tips with a wider audience.

First of all, it’s important to be REAL honest about what you REALLY have to do and what you don’t. I find that many things are actually choices. Especially when it comes to attending certain events or listening to people you really don’t want to listen to. Consider carefully if this is something you really can just release from your life.

I had a high school English teacher who even would answer the question “Do we HAVE TO?” by saying “All you have to do is occupy space and die.” Now, there is some truth to that. But I like my spirituality to be more practical than that.

So, if after careful consideration, you find that if you DON’T do this thing, your life will be less beneficial than if you DO, here is some guidance.

I make the task as enjoyable as possible. I simplify. There are many ways to do this.

A recent example: Taxes. Now, honestly. I might be able to just not do my taxes. A lot of people make that choice. And I assume many of them “get away with it” in one way or another. I’m not currently at a place where I feel comfortable just not doing them. So, I did my best to make it as enjoyable as possible.

I had to get all my stuff together myself, of course. That wasn’t so hard. Then I chose to get help to get them actually done. I could have struggled through some online program, but instead I chose to invest and hire someone recommended by a friend. She ended up not being very expensive, and it was actually fun doing my taxes with her. I learned some really helpful information for my future financial choices as well. It only took about an hour. It was fun to see her place. She had a sweet cat. My son was with me. We ended up getting a much bigger refund than I thought, which more than covered the extra expense. And we stopped for tacos on the way home.

Maybe I should call my method The Taco Principle: How to Make Anything Enjoyable. Ha. I digress.

That’s just one example. There are ways to make almost anything nicer. And focusing on the feeling of ease and accomplishment when things are done always helps.

I find a certain flow happens for me if it’s something big. (Like doing my divorce myself or figuring out my mom’s estate after she died.)

  1. I resist.
  2. I wait.
  3. I’m overwhelmed.
  4. I start to take initial small steps.
  5. I start to understand “This is big, but I can see the next steps and where to get support.”
  6. Then I get into the momentum, and I’m excited to get it done.
  7. Then I can’t stop myself from doing that thing I didn’t want to do.
  8. Then it’s done and I feel so good!

I have done many massive things I have NOT really wanted to do in the past 5 years or so. The steps above seem to really work for me. I even am ok with the waiting and resisting. Because at some point, something that needs to be done will become big enough that you can “feel that it’s time.” I feel there is some value in waiting for that time. First of all, sometimes you find out you actually didn’t need to that thing in the waiting period! But, when it’s time and you are ready to begin, things just flow better.

And music. Music generally helps. And being really kind. Because then kind support will show up for you. I always do my best to be really patient and sweet to the helpers I find along the way. I tend to attract good support.

What about everyday things like cleaning and cooking and laundry? I recommend simplification, music, and focusing on love of service to your self, your home, your family.

Cleaning and laundry became much more enjoyable once I cleared my clutter. (That WAS another massive project.) But it really gave more meaning to those activities. I highly recommend Marie Kondo’s book, The Unchanging Magic of Tidying Up. (It really did change my life and brought a lot of Having a good relationship with the stuff in your life makes a HUGE difference in time and willingness to care for that stuff. It’s all energy. When you clear energy by clearing clutter and only have what you love and need, you gain a greater appreciation of what you have. When you understand that keeping your space clean and clear has very real positive effects in your life, it becomes much easier. You naturally become more grateful and willing to keep things in order.

In all situations, I really try to not force myself. I let myself wait until I feel really ready to take on whatever challenge it is. Often, there is some time leeway with anything. When there’s not, do your best to dig in with the first step. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

If you would like support with positive transformation in your life, I am available for Energy Alchemy Sessions.



I had a very special lover who had a beautiful way of connecting with me. We would communicate every day, though he was far away. He would always begin with a moment to feel into me from a distance. To feel my energy and connect. And then he would ask, “what is there for you today?”

This feels like a beautiful way to connect with each other. I feel very blessed to have had this experience for over a year.