Author: Serena Portal

Letting Ourselves Off the Hook

I have an event this weekend. I have a to do list in my head for what I THINK I need to do to be successful at this event.

I haven’t done any of the things on my mental to do list. I just don’t feel like it.

I’m playing with the discomfort I feel with not having done these things. I’m playing with the idea of instead, continuing to just do what is making me happy (currently, watching an inspirational YouTube video).

It’s so wild how conditioned we are to follow the shoulds instead of the bliss. My process of getting ready under the shoulds feels heavy and unenjoyable. What kind of result will that bring energetically? Fairly obvious.

I deeply know these things, and yet my conditioning (after years of unraveling it) STILL makes me think I need to follow these thoughts and shoulds.

What if, instead, watching these videos gives me some amazing insight. And also, doing what makes me happy and peaceful just creates a better vibe in me. I will serve so much better from a better vibe. It’s what we all want. It’s what I want. It’s what I am here to activate in other people.

I’m going to let go of the shoulds for the millionth time and do what pleases me. In the end, I may come back around to that list. It may look the same; it may look different. But I will be better. And that will make all the difference.

I invite you to take the time to care about making yourself happy. Take action from that place. What if we all did? Bless.

Are you playing the part of this girl?

girl-with-picnic-table-on-fire

Ok, so you don’t really HAVE to stay positive. That is a choice. Sometimes a good one. And sometimes a spiritually bypassing one. It’s good to notice when your seat is on fire. It’s good to rise up. It’s good to get support.

But that’s not the real point I wanted to make with this post. The real point I wanted to make is that I see many people having experiences like this lately. Like, shit just hitting the fan ALL OVER THE PLACE. At some point, you really just feel like laughing, crying, or both. And that’s all ok.

Another one of my favorite references is the image of the dance band on the Titanic who just kept playing as the boat went down. It’s all going to hell, we might as well enjoy ourselves. That can be a valid reply. And a lot of weird, wacky fun.

Which is not to say that I think we are necessarily all on our way to Hell. I believe we are uncovering a lot of stuff that is about to be healed and made better. And from there, we can affect real change from the heart.

Interesting that all the images and metaphors I am drawn to for this energy seem to be really mixed. The mixed energy feels in alignment with what many have been feeling. One day, everything looks great and fine. The next day, it seems like everything is in the toilet. The next day, it’s all fine again. Have you experienced this feeling? It can be crazymaking. And, in a weird way, it’s all true.

Here’s what it’s telling us:

Don’t take your cue from external circumstances.

I’m gonna say that again.

Don’t take your cue from external circumstances.

We have so much power to find alignment within ourselves. When we do this, we can see circumstances for what they are: a snapshot of all the energy put out until that time. Completely mutable. Something we can change and effect.

When we go deep within, find alignment energetically, and then look at our world with love, we do so much more than just “stay positive”. We are then able to truly act with the love of the Divine to bring about goodness for All.

There are many ways to find alignment. We all have different variations. You probably know what yours are. If not, explore what makes you feel better and do that. Make time for your ways. Make your alignment a priority. Do what you love.

Seeing the picture of the girl on the burning table and seeing these circumstances in the lives of those around me inspired me towards deeper commitment and greater change this morning. I have been choosing to be the calm center in the chaos of today’s United States, with varying degrees of success. I know my own power (much of the time). I AM inspired to know it more and more. And I AM inspired to help everyone who will listen know their own power more and more.

Your power is within. Your power is in faith, trust, surrender, alignment. Your power is in seeing what is triggering you and allowing your higher self to steer your ship.

If you’re struggling during these times and could use some support, consider an Energy Session. I’m feeling called to serve. If you are really feeling called to work with me, but finances are an issue, ask about my sliding fee scale.

 

Thanksgiving

I’ve had a lot of demon sadness showing up this past week. I’ve felt it under the surface, and I have let it surface some.

The body remembers, and this was a hard time of year for me last year. There is also all the junk surrounding this holiday that brings sadness for many of us. Being thankful is something to celebrate. Our country’s history of thieving genocide that is still ongoing is in such sharp contrast to that.

I had plans today that felt special to me. My sweet son became ill, and we couldn’t go. We spent a quiet day at home. I mostly read. But there was some sadness still, under the surface. I have felt sad and sick a lot lately. Searching for the remedies. Doing my best to create happiness.

We have some steep stairs in our house. I have always been afraid that someone is going to take a tumble on them and really hurt themselves.

Tonight, I fell on the top of the stairs. My socks slipped and my feet flew out from under me. I bashed up my forearms and elbows and back. Miraculously, I landed on the stairs and only skidded down one or two instead of pummeling down the entire staircase. I scooted down the stairs on my butt until I got to the bottom and Zane came to see what happened.

I got upset that I had really damaged my body and it would take some time to heal it. And then I decided to not hold on to that idea and just send healing energy to the injured spots. Everything was still working.

Zane said, “what did you come down here for?”

I said, “ice cream.”

For some reason, we both laughed.

I didn’t want it anymore. I’m trying to remember what I was thinking when I tumbled. I like to pay attention to that sort of thing. But I can’t remember now. It was too shocking.

I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, and the physical pain and shock overtook me. I began to really cry. Serious ugly sobs that helped to cleanse the sadness.

I had always been afraid of someone falling. And there, I had done it. And survived. Maybe I don’t need to be afraid anymore.

I went back upstairs after some hugs from Zane, feeling better for the catharsis. Did I need to fall down the stairs to let the tears of stress and sadness loose? I don’t know. But it did that, and it helped.

I had a “life is short, and I could die in my own house at any time” moment and so I decided to buy myself an ebook I wanted. It’s been good. It’s helping me focus on regaining my feminine power through embracing and creating pleasure.

That fall was a new beginning. I am grateful. And I am grateful for you. Bless.

Dating

​Spend your time enjoying activities you are passionate about. While doing this, you will meet people also passionate about things that matter to you. Some will be attractive to you and vice versa. You will find someone. We are all attractive and magnetic when engaged in our passions. Surrender and the universe will bring it right to you in the perfect timing.

Thanksgiving

​Sending peace to this divided, confused country of ours. Tomorrow is a holiday that is meant to celebrate giving, gratitude, and friendship. Perhaps it was always a farce. But I like to think anything with a good intention has a chance to make a change. Let’s maximize that.
All this hate has been festering, hiding underneath the surface. Now here it is. Time for alchemy.
It saddens me to see what is happening STILL to native peoples at Standing Rock and across this country. Same with all the hate crimes perpetrated on the lgbtq community. And the senseless loss of black lives to police killings and incarceration. And the ways in which women and our earth (same thing) are disrespected and defiled. The further persecution of Muslims and Jews and Latinx and any other group. 
We are stronger together.
Please, Grandmothers, bless us with understanding and peace.
Please, dear friends, let’s be the wisdom, gratitude, generosity, and friends we wish to see in the world.
I will continue praying and doing what I feel called to do. It all starts within. It starts with the vision. Let’s see the world as we want it and then make it so. Thank you for being with me.
#nodapl #blacklivesmatter